You’ve seen it before, or done it before, or done seen it before.
You’ve seen the parent at the little league baseball game who’s got their nose sticking through the chain-link fence, yelling at the coach for not playing their son. Or the parent who gets belligerent with the teacher when their child is punished for misbehavior.
“My son is the best player on the team! Why isn’t he playing!”
“My daughter would never do that. You’re wrong!”
Probably sounds familiar, especially to those who coach or teach.
I used to chalk that type of parent behavior to one of two reasons: 1. The parent loves their child so much they are blind to the truth; or 2. The parent is a jerk.
Now I know better. The parents are simply big dummies.
This from Indiana University: A five-year study concludes that having children significantly lowers a parent’s IQ.
Well, no duh!
Researchers started the study in 1999 with 200 couples who planned on starting families, giving each prospective parent an IQ test (IQ stands for Important Questions – I think. I used to know before I became a parent). By 2003, all but 27 of those couples had children. Then, their IQs were measured again. In all 173 cases, both parents scored at least 12 points lower on the second IQ test. And most of the parents had become even stupider than that.
This is what the director of the study, Dr. Hosung Lee, said of the findings, according to published reports: “The research proved that our hypothesis was correct. Having children does retard one’s brain activity, and since both parents lost intelligence, we must assume that this loss has a psychological rather than biological cause.”
According to the study, the part of the brain that makes one think objectively loses the most brainpower once a child enters the scene.
“This explains why every parent thinks their child is the smartest kid in class or the best athlete, even if that child is as dumb as a box of rocks or needs a calendar to time their 40-yard dash,” Dr. Lee is quoted as saying, obviously full of himself for proving something that was blatantly obvious, even to a dumb parent like me.
The study’s results are indeed scary, albeit expected.
What about those of us who can’t afford to lose much brainpower? I’ve got three kids – that means I’ve lost at least... 29, no, 45, uh... well, a lot of brainy points, or whatever they be called.
Why in the world are we allowing the Kardashians to procreate? Can’t the president – Captain What’s-His-Face – do something about that?
Cartoons make me laugh.
Look, when I press these buttons on the thingy-ma-jing, little letters pop up on the television set in front of me. Wow.
My shirt tastes yummy.
I don’t believe this man with the funny name who says parents be dumb and stuff. You do too?
• Len Robbins is the editor of The Clinch County News. He can be reached at lrobbins@clinchcounty news