By the time you read this, it’s drawing close to Christmas. So, I’m going to give you my version of “Twelve Days of Christmas” condensed to “Ten Days of Christmas.” 

I’ve got some suggestions for saving True Love time and money, and more importantly, giving his lady some gifts she’ll enjoy.

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me:

A Partridge in a Pear Tree

• Why not a fresh fruit basket and a nice roast chicken. It’ll be years before the Pear Tree bears fruit.

On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me:

Two Turtle Doves

• How about two Dove bars? The chocolate, not the soap. Soap might send the wrong message and be embarrassing.

On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me:

Three French Hens

• I suggest French bread – three loaves. Two loaves can be frozen.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love sent to me:

Four Calling Birds

• According to my clever friend Google, calling birds are actually European blackbirds. Considering the migratory habits of calling birds, I think calling cards might last longer. Plus it works in the song.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me:

Five Golden Rings

• With gold prices what they are, this will probably prompt the recipient to ask, “Honey, I love you! But, can we afford these?”

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love sent to me:

Six Geese a Laying

• At this point, she might find a traditional gift reassuring. Maybe slippers and a robe. No fruitcake, though. She’s already got one of those.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me:

Seven Swans a Swimming

• Why all the interest in fowl? The Geese are laying and the Swans a Swimming leaving a mess around the pool.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love sent to me:

Eight Maids a Milking

• This would be a very useful gift if she had cows. If not, True Love should just send cheese and plenty of it.

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love sent to me:

Nine Ladies Dancing

• Anytime your true love shows up with eight maids and nine dancing ladies on consecutive days, there are going to be questions about what happens after work.

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love sent to me:

Ten lords a-leaping

• The lords are a-leaping trying to avoid the droppings of the two Turtle Doves, four Calling Birds, Six Geese a Laying, Seven Swans a Swimming.

There’s no time to talk about the the 11 Pipers Piping and the 12 Drummers Drumming that would have arrived if we had time.

So, whatever you get your loved one(s) for Christmas, make sure of its usefulness. Enjoy these last 10 days of the shopping season — and Merry Christmas!

 

Rick Head is the editor of The Alma Times. He can be reached at editor@thealmatimes.com